The other day my real estate agent friend was showing me the houses they were selling on Zillow and when I said, “You should just give me one for free,” they just laughed in my face and were like, “Good one!”
Umm, what the fuck? I thought we were friends.
I even elaborated, indicating which houses I specifically liked, and they still were just like, “Oh you’re being serious? I can’t give you a house for free. This is my livelihood.”
I thought friends were supposed to lift each other up.
I mean, when I worked at a froyo place in high school, I would give my friends free froyo (no toppings) whenever they wanted! I just don’t understand why they can’t do the same for me.
When I brought this up to them, they claimed that houses and froyo “aren’t the same” and that I “needed to stop showing up at their open houses and telling all the attendees that the house was no longer on the market.” They also told me that I could only have one of the chocolate chip cookies they were handing out, which is the amount they were letting everyone else there take. They couldn’t even let me have one extra? It was like we weren’t even friends.
My feelings weren’t taken into consideration at all!
Not to mention, I’m the one who got them into real estate in the first place. We were hanging out a while ago and I put on the Vanessa Hudgens episode of Architectural Digest, and then like a year and a half later my friend told me they had decided to become a real estate agent. There’s no way that’s a coincidence.
I should at least get a cut of their commission. One time I got them free bagels at the end of my shift at the bakery.
Adam Sandler puts all his friends in his movies and brings them on beach vacations disguised as film shoots – why can’t my friend just spot me a $400,000 house? It’s weird and, honestly, selfish.
It just goes to show you never know who your true friends are.
While I hope my friend eventually grows to see the error of their ways, for now I guess I’ll just have to settle for renting. In the meantime, I’ve begun planning how to weasel my way into Adam Sandler’s inner circle. By the end of this year, I’m either hoping my friend will have come around and will have a half a million-dollar home with my name on it, or that I will have landed a leading role in Grown Ups 3. Wish me luck!