I Hate To Be A Bitch, But Can Somebody Please Help Me Up?

I know I must sound like such a bitch right now, but would someone mind giving me a hand? I’m so sorry, I really hate to be this way, but I was struck by a taxi and have been lying in the street for the past 12 hours, so it would be so great if someone could assist me in getting up off the ground?


I’m so sorry to be a bother.


I know it’s so annoying and this doesn’t make it better, but both of my legs are probably broken and I’m definitely incapable of moving on my own. No big deal if you’re, like, on your way to meet someone or something, because I totally get it and don’t wanna be a jerk, but ow. I wonder how much blood I’m losing.


Honestly I don’t want to be that girl but if I ask the biggest favor in the world, maybe someone can call 911? I don’t feel as bad asking them to help because it’s their job.


Please don’t hate me! I mean, I’m definitely over-reacting, it’s just–do you see this exposed rib protruding from my chest? Every time I laugh, my body shakes and, when you’ve got a rib tearing through the center of your shaking body, it’s the tiniest bit uncomfortable. Maybe I’m being a baby and should just suck it up. I can be such a baby sometimes. Oh my god, I’m sorry, enough about me. I’m being such a grade-A, self-absorbed cunt bitch right now, bitching complaining about all of my problems, if you can even call them that. How are you?



I really don’t want to be the rudest bitch in the world, but I seem to be having an out of body experience and there’s this warm energy by my face telling me my time has come, so, not to rush anyone or anything, but I’m going to be, like, for sure dead in a couple minutes and would love to avoid that, but if not I totally get it.


Except I also have another super quick thing to ask which, really not trying to be a bitch, but could anyone maybe call my parents and tell them I love them? It shouldn’t take long, I promise— just ”She loves you” is good then just hang up.


I’m not complaining or anything, don’t worry, I am just like a little anal about wanting my parents to know how I feel about them before I die. It’s such a stupid personality trait, I know.


Honestly, I can’t believe I just asked you to do that. Ugh, I am so sorry. Can I even die without making it all about me? Seriously, carry on with your day. Leave me here, I am totally fine. But, before you go, those are cute pants! I’m so surprised you were able to find such nice pants that work with a figure like yours. OK, Bye!