Sometimes a gal needs something more than words to communicate, and flowers are the perfect supplement! In Victorian times, flowers were used as a form of cryptography to express ideas such as love, but you need to express something more complicated now, like “S.O.S.” and “This boat is in trouble!” Here’s how to express yourself and the fact that your ship is sinking quickly with these fun arrangement ideas!
Daffodils, Purple Tulips, Daisies say, “We Hit a Rock on Our Way In”
Let them know that even though you’re close to shore, you’re still at risk of going under. Just as Baby’s Breath is a maritime tradition dating back to the Napoleonic Wars, yellow daffodils have the modern moxie to scream, “The lighthouse wasn’t lit! We didn’t see the craggy rocks in the darkness of the fog! Help! Help!” just as loudly as you are. Stunning!
Peonies, White Stock Flowers and Purple Hydrangea say, “The Pirates Got Us!”
This exquisite mix of bushy blossoms hints at the urgency of your situation without you having to actually make a fuss. When pirates invade your ship, you’ll want the expression of your dangerous situation to be subtle, but bold enough for the Coast Guard to take notice. Finish off the presentation with a touch of elegance by putting the bouquet in a crystal vase – or the skull of the dead pirate king, should the pirate ambush fail. Breathtaking!
Calla Lilly, Pink Roses, White Freesia – “Iceberg!!!!!!!!!”
The snow white color of the calla lily makes this whimsical flower a favorite of bridal bouquets, but they can also be used to communicate that your ship has crashed into a massive iceberg and things are flooding left and right. Finish the arrangement with a playful ivory ribbon to indicate that everyone is safely on the lifeboats, or a somber coal-colored ribbon if half your crew ends up drowning while attempting to lead the passengers to safety. How thematic!
Bird of Paradise, Green Leucadendron, Yellow Button Spray says, “Hole on the Starboard Side”
The bird of paradise symbolizes magnificence—like how the hole on the side of your ship is magnificently massive. Victorians used to send this flower to indicate anticipation, so use plenty to let the Coast Guard know you’re anticipating their rescue ship. If leucadendron are not in season, you can always use proteas as a substitute! But hurry up and send those flowers because, wow, you’re sinking fast!
Tiger-lillies, Red Roses and Nasturtium – “Fuck”
When you have no words to express the massive calamity you’re about to experience—use flowers instead. Duh! This mish-mash of seemingly clashing flowers will express that you have no idea what the fuck is going on, but the nasturtium will communicate the one thing you do know: the ship is going the fuck down. Holy fuck!!!
Once you’ve perfected the placement of each bud, make sure you Instagram your creation so people can see the full extent of your crisis! Good luck!
