How to Tell Him You Have Kids, and They’re Awful

Dating as a single mom has its own unique set of challenges. Any mom will share with you the experience of hitting it off with a guy—until she reveals she has kids and then the guy shuts down. So how do you tell your romantic interest that you have children? And how do you communicate that they’re really awful? Follow these tips about how to come clean and you’ll never hear a man shout “Why didn’t you warn me about these little monsters?” ever again!


Share Pictures with Him

It’s not always easy for men to understand that you’re a package deal, and that the package includes children who are not easy to love. Luckily, a picture is worth a thousand words! So show your date a photo of Bradley and Ophelia that shows exactly how terrible they are. The right picture will say, “Yep, I’ve got kids” but it will also say, “They are always screaming and are violent to newcomers. The doctors say they’re fine, but I’m not so sure!” Now that’s a foundation for romance!


Show Him Your Wounds

When he asks how you spent your weekend, pull back your sleeves to show the various scratches and bite marks left by your offspring. These wounds, which seem animal but are so obviously human, will easily communicate that you’re a mother, but that sometimes you wish you weren’t. There’s plenty of time to get to know this guy and let him know all the ways your children are passably decent, but you don’t want to have secrets, so it’s best to show him the scabbed-over evidence that you have kids, and that those kids are a nightmare. Wouldn’t it be great if he helped with parenting? Careful! Don’t dream too big!



Just Be Honest

The whole reason you want to tell this guy that you’re a mom is because of two reasons: you value honesty, and you’re afraid that your children will find out you didn’t tell him and will punish you. So why beat around the bush? Better to just tell him up front so he knows what he’s getting into. When the moment is right, take his hand and say, “Because I like you, I want to tell you—I have two kids, and they’re fucking awful.” After all, if he can’t accept that you come with two little demons, he’s not the right guy for you, or has an excellent instinct for self-preservation. Lucky bastard!!


Figuring out when to tell your date that you’re a package deal isn’t easy, but with these tips, you’ll be able to find a way to tell him you’ve got children, and that those children are fucking awful.