If you know an attractive man who owns an even more attractive dog, deciding which one to pet can be a challenge. With a few tricks, you won’t have to choose! Here’s how to pet his dog and also his penis, if you get the chance:
1. Offer to give him a ride to a dog park.
This is simple: Once everyone’s inside the car you’ll have easy access to both his dog and his penis. Just be careful to keep one hand on the wheel as the other navigates both the dog and his penis (take your time, you can pet one on the way there and one on the ride back).
2. Bring his dog a toy.
Offering someone a gift demonstrates the kind of person you are: thoughtful, sweet, and DTP (down to pet). The dog and his person will thank you with a game of fetch and penis-touching.
3. Always carry bacon in your pocket.
The next time you see this cute duo the dog will come running straight for you, giving you a legitimate reason to run your hands through its beautiful coat. You know who else loves bacon? Men. What time is it? Time to touch a penis!!
4. Kidnap his dog and then act like you found it.
Okay, this is a little extreme, but well worth the risk. Carefully steal the guy’s dog and then right before he has an emotional breakdown, tell him you found it. He will be so thrilled that both his mutt and his manhood will want to cuddle with your petting hand.
5. Have him over to meet your pet, even though you don’t have one.
Invite your man friend over on the pretense of having a dog-date. Once inside, make a big show about forgetting that your pup’s at the groomers. Then quickly mention that there are treats in the bedroom. What kind of treats? He’ll find out soon enough. (It’s you petting his penis.)
6. Get a job at the local vet.
Veterinarian school is super challenging, but comes with its rewards. Not only will you have a steady income, you’ll have the perfect excuse to interact with that special dog… and the penis of its hot master. This is a conflict of interest but you can make it work.
7. Buy a dog.
Owning an animal means a lot of commitment, spending thousands of dollars, and the eventual death of your closest friend, but it can also get you some peen. There is nothing more attractive to a dog-owner than another dog-owner. Besides, once that guy sees you holding a leash he’ll be rock hard and you’ll be waist-deep in dog and penis.
Dogs and penises don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Use these tips and you might end up with a Wiener for each hand!