5 Hand Placements on Your Boyfriend’s Stomach To Make Sure Everyone Knows You Own Him

We’ve all been there: you’re at a casual, fun party, and you're in the slow slow process of publicizing your budding relationship with your hookup buddy but you don’t know how to make sure every other biddy knows to BACK OFF. Luckily there’s a quick way to state your ownership like a colonist placing a flag on a patch of land: just place your dainty feminine hand on his body to make sure everyone knows he’s yours! Here are the five best hand placements to claim him with the confidence of a dog marking a fire hydrant:

 — Terrible Penis