Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. When your friend enthusiastically suggests that the two of you register for an eight-week candle making class, it’s time for a frank conversation. You may be tempted to say fuck it and throw 20 hours and $380 down the toilet, but using the tips below you can preserve your friendship and avoid a candle-induced psychotic break.
Consistency is key.
It’s critical that you enforce your personal candle making limits without exception. Some days, you might feel comfortable making a candle or two, but if you indulge your friend, it will only make it harder when you ultimately pull away. We all occasionally feel inclined to make candles, perhaps when tempted by scents like Sun-Drenched Linen or Mahogany Coconut, but if you’re only in it for a fling rather than an eight-week commitment, it’s not fair to play with your friend’s feelings.
Suggest a less intense activity.
To soften the blow, invite your friend to join you in a less extreme pastime, like texting every so often to say “we definitely need to get drinks soon!!” Unfortunately, your friend may insist on actually seeing each other. In that case, try proposing that you watch an episode of TV together, as long as it’s a 22-minute show like Friends, because you really can’t commit to an hour-long episode that prompts a lot of discussion.
Subtly convey an ideological opposition to candle making.
Casually insinuate that you are fiercely loyal to the Big Candle Industry by expressing passionate support for large candle manufacturers. Say things like “This country would be nothing without the good people of Yankee Candle.” That way, your friend will think that your politics are incompatible with homemade candles, and drop the issue.
Imply that you are mentally unfit for candle making.
In extreme cases, it may be helpful to hint that you might be a recovering pyromaniac who cannot be trusted around candles. Alternatively, you can allude to a dark childhood memory involving candles. Saying something vague and mysterious like “Ever since we lost Spot to the Huckleberry Sugar Blossom disaster of ‘09” should do the trick!
You love your friend, but you have to put your well-being first. Setting boundaries is uncomfortable, but just think how much more uncomfortable you’d feel sitting on a wooden bench for 2.5 hours a week pouring wax into mason jars while your instructor plays “Roar” by Katy Perry over the studio speakers. Try out the tips above to avoid candle making at all costs, and as a last resort, use body language to communicate your boundaries by running away!
