December’s here, and it’s time to go home for the holidays! Being the thrifty gal you are, you’re going to save a ton on travel costs, since you never left home in the first place! Here are a few quick tips on how to enjoy your winter break when it’s basically the same as the rest of the year:
Check out your house from a whole new perspective!
Sure, you spend most of your time sitting on the couch, but have you ever sat on the couch upside down? Probably not in at least ten years. This fun trick will have you finding new appreciation for the same furniture you’ve wasted time upon since childhood. You’ll be in the Christmas spirit before Mom can say, “Get your feet off the throw pillows; your grandmother made those.”
Go somewhere new!
You always go to the Kroger’s closest to your house, but why not mix it up and go for the one that’s half a mile further? Free samples, a huge parking lot, and proximity to your weed dealer cousin’s house are just a few of the multitudinous reasons to treat yourself to the nicer grocery store. It’ll be a whole new adventure, and maybe they’ll have the fancy organic stuff your dad keeps asking for.
Interrogate your friends who left town.
The holidays are the most magical time to be reminded that your childhood chums are doing way better than you are. Most of them will probably have thrilling stories about spending a semester abroad, seeing a famous person, or having their third spiritual awakening. Nothing is as exhilarating as living vicariously through friends you don’t really talk to anymore, so make sure you squeeze as much out of them as possible before they politely excuse themselves.
Commit a crime.
Nothing ever happens in your town. It’s the same mundane routine, day in and day out. So why not rob the local gas station or the local 7-Eleven? People may be terrified for a moment, but deep down, they’ll be grateful to have some action going. Plus, maybe now you can afford a bus ticket somewhere nice, like…anywhere. Sometimes the only way to make the holidays special is to ruin them altogether.
Threaten to move out.
This won’t have immediate results, since you’ll likely never make a solid plan and just stay put until your parents pass away, but just putting it out there for everyone to hear will make Christmas dinner so much more tolerable. Who knows? Maybe your mom will even let you have another crescent roll!
So if you’re stuck at the home you never left, ruminating on all of the failures that keep you there, use these tips to spice it up, just to tide you over until your DUI on New Year’s Eve.