How to Create a Spreadsheet Without Thinking, ‘I Am a God’

Making spreadsheets is one of the most productive things you can do for your life – so productive that when you create your first one you may instantly go: “Why do people struggle?” and “Everyone needs to be more like me.” But amidst the high of discovering organization, it’s important to stay humble and remember you are flesh and bones beneath it all, despite being better than everyone you know. Here’s how to make one spreadsheet without instantly thinking, “I am a god who controls all things.” 


Remember your beginnings.

There was a time, just 10 minutes ago, when you were not the successful person you are right now. Everyone comes from something, and you come from organizing your finances and chores into mental categories ranging from “Probably fine” to “Oh shit.” Remember that time your boss asked you to use “Excel” and you thought he just meant to do well at something? So, take a moment to reflect on these humble beginnings before you get lost in the game, Captain.


Remember you still do not know what a “caucus” is.  

You may know how to list things in squares on top of each other, but there is a lot you don’t know, and unfortunately a political caucus is one of them. You are not going to just Google it either. You will never Google it for some reason. And that makes you oh-so human. 


Attempt any of the advanced functions on the spreadsheet.

Just as you feel your ego start to inflate, take a gander at that top row of functions and confusing symbols. Did you know some people are adding and diving things on there? Uh-oh, not feeling too hot anymore, are we? Turns out success is a constant battle and there is more to achieve than creating one spreadsheet. 



Look at a photo of your side profile. 

This one is not related to spreadsheets, but it will surely bring you back down to earth and perhaps even make you shed a tear. It has been proven impossible to think “I am a god” while looking at an image of your side profile, because gods cannot be ugly, and you certainly look super fugly from this angle. 


There you have it! The next time you make a spreadsheet and feel your ego getting the best of you, use this list to hark back to your humble roots before you stopped being bad at things. Remember, even people who make spreadsheets need to sit down every once in a while and think, “I am human. I have flaws. What the fuck is a caucus?”