Long-assumed to be a fruitless endeavor, joining a conversation without bringing up your cats has left cat-owners everywhere sidelined for years. But no more! Recent sociological breakthroughs have now made it possible to jump into the conversation without bringing up that cute thing your feline companion did the other day. Just follow these simple steps, and you’ll be engaging in cat-free small talk in no time, for better or worse!
Ask questions.
If you can’t talk about what you want to talk about – your beloved cats – then ask questions about what other people are talking about! It’s none of your business if people think you’re strange for saying nothing other than, “Oh, really?” or “And then what happened?” or even just the simple yet effective “Wait, what?”
Refer to your cats as “my friends.”
This is a great way to stay invested in the conversations, armed with anecdotes of your own, without actually having to reveal that your anecdotes are actually about a couple of mischievous house cats. However, be careful to not let your stories slip too far into kitty territory, because saying, “My friends chased a fly around the house all day and then toyed with it until it died” might raise a few eyebrows.
Take the nonverbal approach.
Being an active participant in the conversation doesn’t necessarily have to mean speaking – nodding, smiling, rolling your eyes, or even offering an enthusiastic thumbs up are all ways to join in the conversation without actually saying anything. Yes, your vibes will be super weird, but this way, you won’t open your mouth and accidentally let, “My cats are so cute when they’re sleepy,” slip out and cause everyone to question why they’re even talking to you in the first place.
Talk about something other than your cats?
Okay, just throwing this one out there, even though it’s definitely not feasible. However, if you somehow find the will deep within yourself to talk about something other than your cats for five to 10 minutes, definitely give that a shot. Again, we’re pretty sure this is impossible, so you’re probably better off just sticking to the above tips.
It might be hard, but if you follow these simple steps, you’ll be leading the conversation, impressing your peers with your breadth of knowledge and readiness of wit, all while keeping the words “my cats” from your lips. Sure, it might be draining to talk about things that are of literally zero interest to you, but at least this way the people in your life will think you have other thoughts besides just the cute things your cats do.
