From juice cleanses to photoshopped magazine covers, diet culture and unrealistic beauty standards are all around us. We’re bombarded with critiques of the normal human shape daily, but when I saw an ad for a weight loss rib-removal procedure, I’d finally had enough. Sure, I could ignore it, or I could do the one thing no one had been brave enough to try. It was time to stick it to beauty standards by adding even more ribs to my ribcage.
When I told my doctor I wanted to add ribs to my ribcage, she called my plan “misguided” and “medically impossible,” but beauty standards have even doctors in their grip. Why should I take reasonable action – like maybe starting a body positive blog – when I could have extremely invasive experimental surgery instead? I explained to her that these days, it’s all about doubling the size of your butt, halving the size of your waist, and tripling the length of your sternum. And there’s only one way to change that.
Some people wonder why I’m so determined to physically alter my body beyond recognition – it’s for all the little girls out there who see these ads and think they’re not perfect. I want them to be able to look at me and be like, “Whoaaa, honestly things could be so much worse.”
Sure, having more ribs does have its drawbacks (too tall to fit through most doorways), but it also has its benefits! Now when I take a deep breath in, I am physically thrown by the force of air entering my lungs. So that’s fun!
After seeing how successful my first procedure was at sticking it to beauty standards, I figured – why stop there? In addition to adding more ribs to my ribcage, I have also removed all the lip from my lips. I can’t use a straw now, but whatever; they’re bad for the environment, anyway. Take that, Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show!
Sticking it to beauty culture by adding more ribs to my ribcage was the best thing I’ve done. So if you see someone walking down the street with arguably too many ribs, give me a wave, but please do not try to high five me because my body is not ready for that kind of impact.