For as long as she can remember, 73-year-old Julia Hynes has avoided saying the word “vagina” out loud which, for a grandmother with four daughters, is quite an accomplishment!
She would only agree to speak with us if we promised not to look at her directly.
“Honestly, I wish I didn’t have to refer to my machinery at all,” Hynes confided, possibly blushing. “Just living with the knowledge that I have a bathing suit area is humiliating enough.”
An air of nostalgia was present in her voice as she reminisced about her reproductive years in the 1970s, when her OB-GYN remained completely silent for every appointment, delivering all four of her daughters without once discussing any part of her body at all.
“It was just so nice to get comprehensive medical care without the awkwardness of having to think about the existence of my bathing suit area, my brown spot, or my lady pillows!”
Her romantic life, however, was not up for discussion.
“NA NA NA NA NA NA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU,” Hynes said, shouting over us. “My husband obviously had a bathing suit area of his own, what more do you need me to say? That we had S-E-X?”
She then asked us to turn our chairs around and only look at her through a hand mirror, which we retrieved from a basket hidden away in the back of her dresser. Its presence, she explained, is strictly in case of emergency.
“If you must know, sometimes I do have to… look at my area,” Hynes confessed. “But I promise I only look at it with a hand mirror. I know! It is still awful! I am a disgusting monster! I can’t believe you made me tell you that! I wish I was dead! Now, close your eyes while I tell you the rest!”
That was the last we ever heard from her. As soon as we closed our eyes, she ran out of the building.