Why I Stopped Dating and Married Sarah, Plain and Tall

I have always found dating to be a lot of work with little reward. I had spent countless hours trying to build relationships with different kinds of people, only to be dismayed when things would inevitably end.


But everything finally changed when I ditched the dating game and proposed to Sarah, Plain, and Tall.


Going on Tinder dates and having pointless online conversations was starting to frustrate me, so I decided to try something a little more unconventional – marrying a woman (definitely pretty average-looking, but definitely tall) who lived in the 1800s to live with me on prairie of the Midwest. At first, our back-and-forth was a little awkward (she didn’t understand a lot of internet neologisms) but then I realized, who would ever be a more reliable partner than a tall, sturdy, mail-order bride?


I was immediately on board. Do you know how hard it is to find someone tall on Hinge?


Dating before I married Sarah had been so superficial. People were only interested in how much money I made, or what I looked like. No one was really in it for the real-life parts of being in a relationship. But Sarah was different. Sarah, though incredibly plain and startlingly tall, was so good with my kids and even better at hauling heavy bails of hay to feed the livestock. Everyone else I had dated off Tinder ghosted me after I told them I had two kids and my wife died shortly after the birth of the second so they both really want a mom.



Not Sarah, though. This woman was the whole package.


And don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t a perfect fit at first. She often talked about how she missed the sea from her previous life in Maine. But all I really knew is I was done swiping right on people and just wanted to be with Sarah for the rest of my life.


Luckily, Sarah decided she would miss us more than the sea and decided to be my wife and mother to my children. Anna and Caleb are overjoyed, and I am so glad I never have to answer a Hinge prompt again. If anyone else is getting tired of dating and wants a good sturdy woman who will take care of your lonely family, try mail-order brides! Now I’m off to work on the farm with my betrothed!