In a new article published by the Journal of British Studies, a team of historians discovered that Queen Mary I, England’s first female ruler born in 1516, threw out her first royal portrait after declaring, “I look fat here. Let’s do another one.”
After uncovering various abandoned paintings that were almost identical to the official painting, but with a larger waistline, the team concluded that Queen Mary must have demanded the paintings be discarded on account of them being unflattering and “not my best angle.”
“Queen Mary was a fervent Roman Catholic who is remembered for her attempts to reverse the English Reformation,” says lead historian Martina Denis. “But she was also well aware of societal pressures to remain hot and thin.”
“See these dents on the side of the painting? Also, notice that Mary looks 20 to 30 pounds heavier here,” says Waters, pointing to Mary’s chin. “Queen Mary must have seen this painting, thrown it out of a window in a rageful fit, and demanded the painter try again and this time make her look slimmer.”
Despite Queen Mary’s legacy as a tyrant who had 300 Protestants burned at the stake for their religious beliefs, the historians insist Queen Mary thinking her portrait made her look like a fat whale is the only sound justification for the painting’s abandonment.
“She was called Bloody Mary for killing hundreds of people,” says Denis. “Also because she threatened to kill the portrait artist if he didn’t destroy the first painting and try again but this time from above.”
Further investigation into letters sent from the portrait artist Master John in 1544 to his brother prove the historians’ conclusion is accurate.
“I spent five months working tirelessly on Queen Mary’s oil portrait,” writes Master John. “Only after I revealed my work did she turn to me and say, ‘Oh my god absolutely not, delete this. It doesn’t even look like me! Let’s try again, I’ll suck in this time.’”
At the conclusion of this interview, Denis and Waters explained the importance of discovering early drafts of famous paintings.
Waters explains, “In this case, we never would have known the first queen of England was under an enormous amount of pressure to look snatched, just like us.”
