Summer time and living’s easy! Unless you’re being questioned about a traumatic sexual assault. Luckily, there are refreshing and light cocktails in season, which you can throw back when police, detectives, doctors, friends, and acquaintances ask you, “Well, what were you drinking that night?”
Watermelon Margarita
It’s watermelon season, which means one thing: if someone asks you what you were drinking when you were traumatically and callously assaulted, thus implying that you are partially or solely responsible for those events, you can mix up a way-too-strong pitcher of watermelon margaritas! Nothing doesn’t quite ease the sting of being victim-blamed like a cool, summery cocktail!
White Sangria
After hours of trying to explain that what you drank has no bearing on the fact that you were assaulted, you’ll naturally want to lighten the mood. And what’s lighter than white sangria? The fruit is an added bonus because you really haven’t had much of an appetite since you realized that you were somehow the one on trial here.
Whiskey Lemonade With Honey
Well, whiskey anything, really! In the midst of being questioned about what you did wrong, you’ll really be thirsting for a stiff drink. Try this sweet lemonade cocktail while wondering why you’re the one being asked to modify your behavior, not the person who raped you!
Peach Prosecco Punch
This recipe is so simple, fun, and easy to remember! Almost as easy to remember as the horrific details of your assault that you’ve been asked to repeat forwards and backwards with the common follow up question of “Are you sure?”
Shirley Temple Smash Cocktail
This drink is light, feminine and innocent just like the beloved childhood star. It will almost remind you of a time when you too were naïve enough to have faith in justice and compassion.
Virgin Bloody Mary
It is advised that the best way to prevent rape is for women to avoid alcohol altogether, so take a sip of this yummy and refreshing cocktail that has no alcohol! According to the police, that means zero chance of someone taking advantage of you. Life will feel normal again someday, but when?
These cocktails are so good that when someone asks you how many drinks you’d had, you’ll almost forget how demeaning the question is!
