How to Ride Him Platonically

Preserving a noncommittal, completely friendly hookup can be challenging. It can feel impossible to maintain a casual dynamic while making direct eye contact as you ride his dick! Never fear, we’ve determined the best strategies to keep the romance dead while you ride him ‘til the sun comes up (platonically, of course).


Give him a fist bump.

Nothing says “just friends” like a well-timed fist bump. Luckily, riding him cowgirl style gives you easy access to his hands. Take advantage and work in as many fist bumps as possible. Make sure to incorporate spitty explosion sounds to further emphasize the complete lack of romantic potential between you. While you’ve got his hands available, consider initiating a friendly game of “Miss Mary Mack” as you bounce on his dick.


Whisper neighborly nothings in his ear.

Another logistical benefit of riding his dick is that you can lean down and whisper words of friendship in his ear. Try breathing a steamy hot breath into his auditory canal as you purr “Hey buddy!” Dirty talk amongst friends can be intimidating, but don’t be afraid to tell him exactly what you want by moaning, “I really value your friendship and that’s all I’m looking for right now.” Then drive him wild with some soft nibbling around his lobe (as a pal).



Choose your roleplay wisely.

After riding his dick for a while, you may want to spice things up with some roleplay. To protect the friendship, make sure that the characters you emulate are purely amigos. Stay away from romantic pairs like Bonnie & Clyde. Instead opt for chummy duos like Hermione & Harry, or better yet, Timon & Pumbaa! That way, you can ensure that he’s squeezing your Hakuna Matatas as nothing more than a friendly cartoon counterpart.



If all else fails, farting loudly and repeatedly as you grind your clit against him should make it 100% clear that you see him as just a friend. Bros often bond over flatulence, so proudly farting while seated on his dick will communicate that you’re just one of his homies. To guarantee that your farts don’t go unnoticed, turn around and ride him reverse cowgirl before letting it rip. Above all else, make sure he knows it was a full-fledged fart, not a queef, which can be misconstrued as romantic.


So if you want to be sure no one falls in love mid-ride, follow the steps above. To seal the deal, tie a friendship bracelet around his wrist next time you’re on the saddle!