Friends Too Polite to Tell Gabrielle That She’s Been Dead for 12 Years

Deceased Gabrielle Dower made a surprise appearance at the River City High Class of 2006’s ten-year reunion, where old friends and acquaintances couldn’t bear to tell her that she has actually been dead since 2004.


The former 16-year old A-student and mediocre athlete was first sighted at the sign-in desk, where she “made a whole thing” about her name being left off of the guest list.


“It’s like, she didn’t even RSVP,” commented Jared Stone, former 2006 class president and event organizer. “But she’s dead so I was just like, ‘Whoops, my bad’ and now it’s super uncomfortable because she’s the only one with a handwritten name tag.”


The unholy apparition of Dower, casually mingling with her former classmates, reportedly went “on and on” about prospective colleges and whether or not she’s ready to go “all the way” with high-school sweetheart Ben Ridenhour, last seen crouching behind his wife as Dower floated into the cafeteria. Former members of River City’s JV girls’ basketball team smiled and nodded throughout the spirit’s teenage rambling, exchanging glances every time she alluded to not being a fully dead person.


“Man, some people just never change,” commented former teammate Maribeth McNeely. “[Dower] just kept talking about herself! She never even asked me about my job, my new bangs, or my life that I’m actually living.” When asked why she didn’t make mention of Dower’s fatal car crash that left her milky and transparent, McNeely claimed she didn’t want it to be more of “Gaby this and Gaby that.”


She adds: “Plus it’s super awkward to bring up depressing stuff like her being dead and all.”



Dower made further waves by implying that her ex best friend, Cindy Schneider (nee Holt), was a total whore when they spoke privately in the girls’ bathroom. Schneider remained mostly silent, hands cradling her pregnant belly, as a levitating Dower scolded her for throwing away her future.


“Look, it’s really embarrassing to have been killed at the age of 16 and then just not even notice,” Schneider commented. “I’m not going to be the one to tell her…it would just make her feel weird, being an abomination in the eyes of God and science and whatnot.”


When pressed for comment, all of the male alumni said how amazed they were that Gabrielle Dower still managed to keep her figure.