Thousands of Shitty Marriages Last Another Few Years Thanks to Beyoncé’s Lemonade

Marriages teetering on the edge of demise are giving it one more pathetic try thanks to the release of Beyonce’s new album about love and infidelity, Lemonade.


“When I was watching Lemonade alone in the second bedroom, it made me think twice about what I was prioritizing in my life,” says Tamara Jacobs of her sexless marriage, doomed to fail in a matter of months. “Sure, divorce would give me a new chapter in my life to treat myself well. But after seeing Beyoncé recommit to her marriage, I know not to throw it all away so quickly.”


The album, which focuses on love, deceit and forgiveness, has inspired couples across America to rekindle their relationships, even if they were built on shaky ground when they were young and just didn’t know any better.


“I really started to believe that monogamy was bullshit, but after seeing how Jay Z made her feel, I now understand what commitment truly means,” says Roger Jacobs, who has been sleeping with another woman consistently throughout his marriage of two years. “Now I’m pretty sure true love can last through anything.”



Bridget and Dan Jackson, who have been actively cheating on each other since 2003, agree that Beyoncé’s captivating performance has inspired them to make one last sad attempt at making their terrible marriage work.


“Beyoncé just has this way of being so real and relatable,” says Bridget, whose marriage has one, maybe two years left, max. “And if Beyoncé can make her marriage work, why can’t we?”