Friend Who Already Eats Less Carbs Than You Trying to Eat Less Carbs

Earlier this Saturday, 23-year-old Megan Hanley announced her plan to eat fewer carbs, even though she already eats fewer carbs than everyone in her friend group.


Given that Hanley rarely ate carbs to begin with, the news shocked no one. However, her declaration did come right after a friend offered Hanley a bite of her breakfast burrito, which Hanley declined by stating, “Ugh! I’ve been eating waay too many carbs lately.”


“I totally respect Megan’s dietary choices,” says Ainsley English, the friend in question. “However, it just sounds like she’s hitting some sort of unknown carb threshold I must be throttling past at every meal of the day. Why does she need to eat less carbs when she already eats the least out of all of us?”


“I just feel better when I eat less bready stuff,” Hanley explains.


Among her friend group, Hanley remains alone in her feelings.


“I don’t get it,” says English. “I only feel better and better the more bready stuff I eat. I mean, I once saw Megan spend 20 minutes savoring the shit out of an egg white and tomato omelet while watching me consume a bowl of ravioli. She didn’t even break eye contact. She just watched me eat the whole thing while she feasted on that textureless glob of a breakfast.”


Though her carb intake already seemed impressively regimented, Hanley is now seeking to eat even less, as though she doesn’t already make everyone else around her feel like an insatiable carb monster.



“I just get such a bad tummy ache whenever I try eating pasta,” says Hanley. Also, this isn’t about weight, okay? It’s about me feeling better about my body once it weighs less.”


At the conclusion of the interview, Hanley was reportedly thinking about going to Pilates more, even though she already goes three times a week, which is more than anyone ever needs to.