Every Part of Woman’s Body in Pain from Workout Except the One Muscle She’s Trying to Exercise

In sad news for the Cambridge resident, 29-year-old Kat Jameson woke up this morning completely sore from her head to her toes, except for her ass, which is what she wanted to work out in the first place.


“I did so many squats! I just don’t get it!” says Kat. “Now I can barely move anything. How did my shoulders get sore?”


“It’s just not fair! I was watching a Youtube video and everything!” Kat adds. “I mean, yeah, I didn’t breathe, engage my core, or stretch before or after, but why should that even matter? Squats are squats, right?”


But what Kat didn’t know was that she wasn’t even technically doing squats since her form was so bad. When asked what her reps were like, Kat responded “Um, I don’t know. I did a lot of jumping?”


Many of Kat’s friends who have gone with her to the gym say that this is actually a pattern of Kat’s exercise habits.


“She never really works out, but when she does she goes way too hard,” says Nora, Kat’s friend from college. “I guess that’s why she doesn’t exercise much – the memory is too painful for her.”


Kat plans to change her exercise up in the future, however.



“Next time I work out I’m gonna make sure I’m doing squats the right way. After all the soreness goes away, y’know? Also, my back really hurts.”


“Or maybe I’ll try running or something. That tones your butt, right?”


It appears that Kat is confused about the difference between cardio and strength training. But that’s not going to stop her from figuring something out!


“You know what? I’m just gonna start researching BBL surgery. I’ve been hearing a lot about Dr. Miami.”


Well, better luck next time, Kat! And don’t forget to stretch!