‘I Won’t Bother You Anymore,’ Says Man Who Plans to Message You Every Time You Post Something

After you politely cut things off following a few mediocre dates, 30-year-old Rob Samuelson nodded and said, “Okay, I won’t bother you anymore,” before proceeding with his plans to message you every time you post something on social media for the foreseeable future.


“It’s clear that he wanted you to say, ‘Let’s keep in touch’ or something like that,” says your friend Karla. “And maybe in his head, that’s exactly what he heard.”


Reports show that Rob is, in fact, bothering you now more than ever.


Witnesses state that Rob’s most highly used move is screenshotting a picture from your Instagram and sending it to you with a compliment, with unnecessary responses to your Instagram stories being a close second.


“That’s a cool ottoman,” Samuelson commented on a picture of you in a crop top and a skirt, referring to a piece of furniture in the distant background of the photo.


Rob also interacts with you on Twitter, where he responds to your tweets with unrelated gifs, or jokes that other people in the replies have already made, and has dutifully been first to like every tweet you’ve posted since breaking up.



“You’re clearly uncomfortable,” says Karla. “You should block him.”


While your initial response is not to block Rob, since he hasn’t shown up to your house or threatened to murder you, you reportedly are considering blocking him in the future.


Experts predict that when you eventually block Rob, you will spend an inordinate amount of time feeling bad about it, and wondering how it has affected him.