Diva Alert! This Lion Mauled A Zoo Patron Just For The Drama Of It

Some girls can’t help but cause a stir wherever they go! In a developing story out of the Cincinnati Zoo, a four-year-old lioness named Zola turned heads yesterday after mauling a patron, seemingly for the drama of it all.


Since joining the zoo in 2015, the saucy lioness has made quite a name for herself as a rabble rouser known for butting heads with anyone who dare stand in her way. Famously alienating herself from other lions with her brash personality, Zola has sent a clear message: Do not fuck with this bitch.


Whether she’s roaring through the fence at patrons or taking a swing at her keepers, Zola has shown time and time again she’s not here to make friends, and yesterday, as she mauled 71-year-old Maureen Richards limb from limb in front of her two grandchildren, we were all chanting “Slay, Queen! Yaass!”


Witnesses claim the attack seemed pre planned for maximum exposure. Before hopping the fence to lacerate Ms. Richards’ body, Zola is reported to have let out an attention-grabbing call.


“She clearly wanted to be seen and cause a spectacle,” said patron Jodi Stevens. “She even paced around a bit, waiting for all eyes to be on her.”


“This is exactly the type of vibe Zola loves to kill,” added janitor Andrew Sawicki. “We’ve come to expect this from her. She’s kind of a messy bitch.”


“When we got new baby penguins last winter, Zola couldn’t handle our patron’s shift in attention and would spend hours sulking around the cage with a mournful cry,” added zookeper Sam Mahoney added. “She simply LIVES for the drama.”


First responders on the scene were quick to note the feisty feline appeared to revel in the dramatic scene that followed the gruesome attack.


“I’ve never seen anything like this. It was absolute pandemonium,” said paramedic Chase Nichols. “But Zola seemed completely relaxed. She just sat back in the sun and enjoyed the show.”



Officer Brian Kowalski was quick to add Zola seemed almost chuffed by the havoc wreaked by her powerful claws.


“As we gathered the pieces of Ms. Richards’ mangled corpse,” said Kowalski, “I swear to God she was smiling.”


Mrs. Richards is being remembered by friends and family as a kind soul and loving grandmother. A visitation and celebration of life is to be held this Tuesday at O’Neill Funeral Home. Not to be outdone, Zola has also planned her fifth birthday celebration for the same time.