In today’s modern age, women across the world are leaning in and becoming leaders in their own ways. Recently, we’ve had the first woman to win the popular vote for president, the first woman to be the CEO of a tech company, and many many more. But one courageous woman is truly a pioneer: 24-year-old Jenna Dewey has just become the first person ever to go through a breakup.
“It’s not a title I wanted,” said Jenna, through tears. “But if it means that I can prevent others from ever having to feel this way, or coach my successors through their own respective breakups, then I’m willing to step up.”
Jenna went on to explain how she’s feeling about the devastating end to her 2-year-long relationship, the first end of its kind in the history of relationships.
“I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything but think about my ex and what I’ve lost,” said Jenna. “No one prepared me for this, and no one possibly could have. The pain I’m experiencing is unlike pain that anyone else has ever experienced.”
“If only there were a song about a breakup that I could’ve listened to for support,” she added. “But there aren’t any because this has never happened.”
Jenna’s friends are incredibly supportive of her being thrust into the spotlight in such a traumatic and publicly unfamiliar way.
“She’s been eating ice cream out of the carton, sobbing on the train, you name it,” said Sarah Gill-Wilson. “It’s almost like a trope of what someone going through a breakup would do, except that she’s the first ever.”
“I have no idea how she’s coping,” added Laura Nguyen. “She’s the only person ever to have experienced a separation like this. I can’t think of anyone else who has ever broken up with or been broken up with by someone, and I also can’t think of any representations of breakups in popular media. The poor thing.”
But Jenna is brave in the face of hardship.
“I know that, out of my suffering, a new day will come for women,” she said. “I just resent that I had to be the first person to have gone through a breakup. Heavy is the head, you know?”