In a tragic story of staggering proportions, you have returned home to the apartment you share with two friends to find that your roommate has cleaned the entire thing, top to bottom, even though you were right about to maybe do that, too.
Fuck! Didn’t she realize you were thinking about doing that in a bit if you had time?
“Hey!” she jeered cruelly as you entered the apartment. “Sorry for moving some stuff around – I had extra time between meetings and figured I would tidy up a bit. I hope you don’t feel weird about it. I really wanted to!”
Such evil deception! She must have known you were about to clean it in a few weeks once it got too messy to bear. Now, you’re going to be beholden to her graciousness for weeks, if not months. Even though you were just about to clean maybe if the feeling moved you and the hour was right!
“Oh, thanks so much!” you replied, tears welling at the corners of your eyes as you scanned the shiny floors. “You didn’t have to! I was just about to clean, too!”
“Don’t worry about it at all,” she retorted, practically seething. “I know you’ve got a lot going on, and I really do like to clean.”
Sources confirm you then moved to take out the trash only to find she had already done that, too. Damn it! It was the only task that could show her you were also serious about the cleaning thing, if not even more serious than she was!
You then scrambled to find another way to contribute, but soon realized she had washed the dishes, swept the floors, deep cleaned the oven, organized the living room, dusted the baseboards, and even seasoned the cast iron skillet.
“I just feel bad that you cleaned everything when I was also about to clean everything, like, 15 minutes from now,” you finished, trying not to let her see you cry. Sources confirm it would have taken you about 75 days to feel desperate enough to do the cleaning job she just completed.
“Well, if you’re really looking to help, the bathroom trash is getting kind of full,” she said. “But don’t worry about it if you’re busy!”
That bitch. Now you had no choice but to empty the trash, even though it was honestly not that bad and only barely overflowing.
As of press time, you had vowed to never let your roommate beat you to the deep clean again. Unless, of course, you didn’t really want to clean and had literally anything else to do.
