Two female coworkers engaged in a two-hour stalemate today at the MME Ventures office bathroom, silently waiting until the other would leave the bathroom in order to poop.
Vice President Kathy Morganstern staked out her territory in the furthest stall from the door at approximately 9:55 A.M. after finishing her morning coffee. Morganstern waited patiently while other women entered to pee or apply their makeup. When it appeared as though she could begin pooping, Gretchen Jones entered, whom Morganstern recognized by her “frumpy pair” of Aerosole loafers. “I tried clearing my throat, making noise with the toilet paper roll…but nothing worked.”
According to Jones, Morganstern’s signals were unclear. “I go in at my usual pooping time, when people are done adjusting their makeup and all that. I sit on my stall and play Candy Crush, waiting for them to leave. But she wouldn’t.”
The stalemate lasted through the morning hours, with both women refusing to budge. Both women missed their 11:30 meetings with potential investors, costing the company an estimated $1.5 million.
“This whole thing is crazy,” said HR Manager Melissa McGee. “I mean who even tries to poop at the office anyway? I save it for when I get home.”