Complete Mental Breakdown Self-Diagnosed Each Week as ‘Sunday Scaries’

In an impressive display of malpractice, Shoshanna Feldman self-diagnoses the complete mental breakdown she has at the end of each weekend as the “Sunday scaries”.


“We all know how Sundays can be,” says Shoshanna, who on past Sundays has stayed in bed until 4p.m., decided to cut her own bangs, and called her super under the guise of complaining about her water pressure but really just to cry on the phone with someone.


“It’s just that back-to-the-work-week feeling,” Shoshanna adds, while looking at one-way flights to Oslo online. “You know, Sunday rolls around and you’re like, ‘Wow, I really wish every part of my life was different and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.’ That’s why they made a name for it: Sunday scaries.”


But not everyone is convinced that Shoshanna’s meltdowns constitute relatable end-of-the-weekend dread.


“Last weekend Shosh FaceTimed me crying from inside a Panera,” says close friend Gabe Wright. “She was like, ‘I honestly only went to law school because I felt lost after undergrad and I got in. This is not the career I want. If I could do the last ten years over I would not make a single decision the same.’”


“I am impressed by her ability to compartmentalize her major breakdowns to just one day of the week,” Gabe adds. “But I think this is bigger than Sunday scaries.”


Shoshanna, however, is incredulous.



“On Sundays I definitely tend be overcome with dread at having to continue the life I’ve created for myself,” she says. “For instance, I don’t really think I’m in love with my partner anymore, I have some major questions about my gender identity, I regret naming my cat Shellfish.”


“But by the time Monday rolls around, I just get swept up with the flow of the week and barely think about those things at all,” Shoshanna adds. “Until it’s Sunday again, and then all those compressed feelings get compounded like a trash compactor creating an unmovable block of my many sorrows.”


“Them’s the Sunday scaries for ya!”


It was suggested that Shoshanna try therapy to begin sorting through some of these negative emotions, but she was resistant.


“I just don’t really have the time,” she says. “Sunday is basically my only free day, and we already know that’s blocked off for a nine-hour panic attack!”


Fair enough!