2003 Class Clown Still Makes Women Uncomfortable Enough to Laugh

In a disappointing story out of San Diego, CA, 2003 class clown Jake Matthews is still making women feel uncomfortable enough that they end up laughing at his jokes.


“I won class clown in 2003 because everyone thought I was hilarious,” Jake says. “No one in my class had a better Paris Hilton impression than I did. People never stopped laughing.”


Several of his classmates remember his humor but with a differing perspective from Jake.


“I remember that whenever I parked for school in the morning he would walk up to me and said, Wow, I guess women CAN drive!” 2003 graduate Mary McGovern told us. “He said it so many times. I didn’t know what to do, so I would just laugh until he stopped talking.”


Due to the attention he’s always gotten, Jake walks around with a sense that he’s one of the funniest people alive.


“Women think I’m hilarious,” Jake says. “The one joke that never fails is when I say something about liking their clothes or makeup, and then I say, ‘But I guess you can’t give women compliments anymore.’ It kills every time!”


Jake does make women laugh a lot, but their laughs are usually small awkward giggles or even just a smile and nod that seems like a laugh but is not.


“Jake is such a pain in the ass at the office,” coworker Geena Brown told us. “He seems to think that if he yells anything then it counts as a joke, so he yells so fucking much. I always laugh at it though because if no one does then he just doubles down even more.”



The self-possessed comedian also told us his comedic influences, even though we definitely didn’t ask.


“My biggest inspiration is Adam Sandler,” he told us. “I’m actually a lot like him when you really think about it.”


When asked to describe how, he wasn’t able to provide an explanation.


At press time, Jake is still doubling down on his jokes which will eventually lead women to laugh at them because they’re just so incredibly uncomfortable.


“I mean c’mon,” Jake said, “A good dick joke never gets old!”