Ooh, girl!! Get ready for the best news of your life: These two people you’ve never met are now deeply sad!
Yassss!!!!
Jon Hamm, an actual human man with thoughts and feelings, and Jennifer Westfeldt, another real human living life much in the same way you are, announced their split recently, which is fantastic news because he is a handsome sex man on a show you like!!!
“With great sadness, we have decided to separate, after 18 years of love and shared history,” said the couple in a joint statement. “HOLY FUGGIN’ SHIIIIIDDDD YUUUZZZZZZ,” said you and your roommate to each other while body rolling in your kitchen!!!!
You needed this!!
The two strangers, who are famous and also humans, are presumably going through a very dark period—VICTORY FOR YOU!!! After months of swirling split rumors, Hamm’s rehab stint earlier this year, and reported strife over whether or not to have children, they are likely facing the hardest moment in their adult lives, all without the person they relied on the most; their lover; their best friend.
You are KILLING it right now!!!!
Westfeldt was reportedly holding out hope that Hamm would eventually decide to start a family. “I never thought I’d be this age and not have kids,” she said to the Times a few years ago. Sources say that she ultimately reached her limit and left him while she still had the biological ability to become a mother, despite having been there for him through his treatment for alcoholism last winter.
DAT. GOOD. DICK. IT’S ALL FOR YOU NOW!!!!
While the Hollywood power couple was not legally married, they were wholly devoted to one another. “Our lives are entwined,” said Hamm, to People magazine just last year. Any humans who felt that way about one another would assumedly be feeling lost, confused, and maybe even ashamed from all the public attention on their most personal feelings.
US Weekly reports that now you have a chance with the sad man.
SLAM THAT D, GIRLFRIEND!!!!
BOOM SHAKALAKA!
