Cat Remains on Bed for All of Sex

In a developing story out of Houston, Texas, it appears that Melissa Hernandez’s cat plans to remain on her bed for the entirety of her sex session.


“I’ve nudged him a bunch of times,” said Melissa, while switching positions. “But he’s not budging. He doesn’t seems fazed by the fact that my girlfriend and I are putting in some serious work over here.”


Chief Wiggums, the cat in question, has sniffed at the couple a few times, but is otherwise unbothered by the intimate moment happening mere inches away.


“This feels like a power move on his part,” said Melissa. “Like, not only does he refuse to leave, he legitimately yawned when I started moaning.”


Chief Wiggum has been known to sit through various close encounters with human sex over the years, but is often scared away by an flailing arm or aggressive flip. On this occasion, he was unperturbed from foreplay all the way to post-coitus.


“Once I knew what was going on, I called him over by name, offered him treats, nothing,” said Olivia Desmond, Melissa’s roommate. “I’m starting to think he just genuinely likes it in there.”


“God forbid he stays still so I can take a cute photo,” said Melissa’s girlfriend, Tara. “But if I’m pooping or having sex, he’s right there next to me, staring.”



But Chief Wiggums has not shown any interest in giving the couple their privacy.


“He’s already been here through two orgasms, so I suppose he can just stay,” said Melissa.


Sources report that Chief Wiggums immediately got up post-sex, refusing to cuddle, and meowed to leave the room.