Woman Will Pay Just About Anything For Beverages Containing Trace Amounts of Weed

In a developing story out of New York City where marijuana products have been somewhat decriminalized, 26-year-old Kristina Cruz has been regularly paying $6 to $10 every few days for cannabidiol-infused beverages simply because it is a legal purchase of a component of marijuana.


“I’ll either get CBD in my lattes in the morning or I’ll buy a CBD sparkling water from the bodega on my way home from work,” Kristina shared. “It really takes the edge off. At least I think it does.”


“I know it’s a bit more expensive than if I got regular coffee or La Croix, but drinking the weed relaxes me. It’s kind of like, the idea of getting high. Does that make sense?”



CBD, a non-psychoactive derivative of weed, is typically extracted from hemp for consumer consumption and legal purchase in most states–not that anyone knows or cares.


“This one canned drink I like to get is called Recess, which also has adaptogens in it… I’m not sure what they do, something also with reducing anxiety?” she added. “I just think the pastel cans are pretty.”


The CBD beverage craze is one of the latest spinoffs of the self-care movement, leading users to believe it is actually helpful in any capacity whatsoever.


While some CBD-fans have purchased concentrated CBD oil to mix with water and other liquids, many other consumers like Kristina elect to purchase $6 to $10 beverages regularly out of existential boredom.


“Plus CBD is totally legal. I like buying it instead of letting a random drug dealer into my apartment,” Kristina confessed. “Drinking certain parts of weed is way healthier and better for you.”


When reached for comment, the manager of the bodega that Kristina frequents shared that he’s profiting like crazy off the stuff.


“Selling weed is illegal in New York, but these millennial dipshits don’t know any better. I might upcharge to $7.99 soon just because they’ll pay it.”


Regardless of price, nothing will stop Kristina from buying drinks that give her that deluded fleeting moment of pleasure of “drinking weed.”


Whatever it is she and other millennials are looking for, we hope they find it somewhere out there.