BREAKING: Claire Remembered the Weed

This just in from your friend’s party in the town next door: Notoriously unreliable stoner, Claire, has remembered the weed.


Sources are ecstatic.


The choice to have Claire procure weed was made hastily and with little recourse, when a group text revealed that five other members of the group had no weed on hand, or were already at work with no time to return home and retrieve some.


“No prob, I got some,” texted Claire at 4:07 pm, in a motion which comforted no one.


“I figured there was like a 25% chance she remembered to bring the weed,” says friend Amy Park. “Like the more we wanted the weed the more likely she was def gonna leave it at work or something.”



“It was a long week,” says Matt Sloan. “We all really wanted the weed.”


Some are crediting Ashley Helms with Claire’s success. At 4:25 pm, she texted the group, “Claire, put the weed in your purse, NOW.”


“I was half-joking,” says Ashley. “But I would’ve been pretty cranky if we had no weed, so I figure you can’t be too careful.”


When Ashley walked into the party with weed in hand, friends erupted in applause.

“What?!” said Ashley, as if she had no idea what was on the line.