You’re a good friend for showing up to Kate’s bridal shower – and you’re also kind for never bringing up that one night you had with Greg in college, that super hot and random night you hooked up before they were together. It would be pointless and rude to say anything now, obviously. Unless you hint at it in the form of a gift, because you know… she might already know, and it’s just better to address the elephant in the groom by whatever passive-aggressive means necessary. Here are some gifts to let her know your dirty secret in a way that isn’t weird at all.
Lube
Buying sexy gifts is part of the fun of a bridal shower! But in your case, it’s also part of the fun of subtly hinting that you know from experience that Greg isn’t always great at getting a girl warmed up. This lube should help the bride-to-be, just as it helps you feel a little bit superior for having had one drunken sexual interaction with the groom 15 years ago.
A Push-Up Bra
Sexy lingerie is just tradition at a bridal shower! And Kate might need the help, seeing as you have slightly bigger boobs than her and Greg said “wow” when he saw them for the first time, once, over a decade ago. You’re just trying to be helpful here!
A New Sheet Set
Nice linens are a great bridal gift. Also, when you hooked up with Greg that one time when he was practically a teenager, he didn’t even have a top sheet, so you wanna make sure he’s got a better bed situation by now, for Kate’s sake. She’s a little naïve, but such a sweetheart. You just gotta let her know how much he’s grown since then.
Steak Knives
Okay, this gift seems completely normal and unrelated to you hooking up with Greg, but as she unwraps it, something in your eyes will give it all away, letting her know, “I know the shape and size of Greg’s dick. At least, I have a blurry memory of it, from that one brief encounter when we were drunk in a dorm room and he came all over my pillow.”
Grab a mimosa and one of these gifts and let the truth out – you hooked up with Greg once a long time ago, and she needs to know!
