BREAKING: Woman Tries on One Bathing Suit and Buys It

In what experts are calling a “freak occurrence,” local woman Danielle Peightel reportedly purchased the first and only bathing suit she tried on last Saturday evening.


“I’ve never seen anything like it,” says H&M cashier Brianna Junker. “I asked her if she found everything all right, and she just said, ‘Yeah, thanks.’ I was so flustered I almost forgot to remove the anti-theft button.”


Surveillance footage shows Ms. Peightel entering the downtown H&M at 6:07pm. Shortly thereafter, she selects a floral bandeau top and hipster bottoms. At 6:09pm she enters the dressing room with the bikini set, and at 6:11pm Ms. Peightel exits the dressing room and proceeds directly to the cash register with the same floral two-piece.The size ten, five-foot-six shopper did not ask for a second opinion on the bathing suit’s fit.


“You would think she’d at least want someone to make sure the pattern de-emphasized cellulite.” says dressing room clerk Ashley Bowe, shaking her head while watching the tapes yet again. “I was right there, see me? I was right there. She didn’t even ask me if she was ‘too big for a two-piece.’ I mean, what the hell?”



“I remember her, because I let her go in front of me while I counted my totally reasonable number of swimwear items,” says one eyewitness in the dressing room. “I’d lost count at 15 when she left the dressing stall right in front of me. I figured she’d forgotten to turn the stove off or something.”


Store manager Kim Abernethy does not believe that the purchase was premeditated. “I’ve never seen her in here before,” states Ms. Abernethy, “and that item was a new arrival, so unless she tried it on at this same store earlier in the day, there’s no way she could have known that it would flatter her athletic build without drawing too much attention to her wide shoulders. There’s just no way. It’s like everything I’ve ever learned is a lie.”


Mall authorities are urging all area H&Ms to be on the lookout for a return within the coming days, and have made it clear that they do not believe this incident to be connected to any larger trend.


Ms. Peightel could not be reached for comment, as she was reportedly enjoying a “relaxing” day at the beach.