BREAKING: Ferret Girls are the New Horse Girls

In the wake of a groundbreaking study out of the University of British Columbia, it has been discovered that ferret girls are confirmed to be the new horse girls as of this month, the study says.


“It’s rare that a fact so accepted by society gets upended like this,” said Dr. Keenan O’Rourke, one of the researchers involved with the study. “But our conclusions are sound: Ferret girls have scientifically overthrown horse girls as the most iconic and confounding type of girl.”


The study, which took a comprehensive look at all of the merits, skills, and traits of school-aged girls who’ve adopted specific personality traits focused around liking or owning a certain kind of animal, has shown that ferret girls display even stronger personality traits into adulthood than their horse-obsessed peers.


“Rat girls came in third place in our ranking, followed closely by cat girls,” explained Sahara Beckham, another scientist involved with the study. “Snake girls were a true wildcard, unexpectedly ranking 9th. But not one group of girls possessed the pure chaotic energy and disregard of social norms that ferret girls do.”


Former animal-adjacent girls across the nation are shocked.


“I always knew that rat girls were coming for horse girls’ spot,” said 22-year-old Kennedy Cooper. “But I never expected ferret girls would make it to the top. Although, I guess it does take a special kind of person to physically carry around an aggressive rodent that smells like pee all day.”



“Ferret girls deserve this win,” added 26-year-old Reagan Toole. “Horse girls are weird and all, but ferret girls devote their time to being obsessed with a literal weasel. That takes chutzpah.”


According to scientists involved with the study, they’re next hoping to identify who comes out on top in the ancient guy-who-brings-his-snake-places-on-his-shoulders versus guy-who-brings-his-iguana-places-on-his-shoulder debate.