There are a million different kinds of diets, most of which don’t really hold water when it comes to losing weight and keeping it away. But Katherine Lachlan seems to know the secret: this naturally thin woman swears by intuitive eating!
“I just eat what my body tells me it needs, whether that’s a salad or a bowl of ice cream,” explained Katherine, who has never had to monitor or even think about her caloric intake. “There are no forbidden foods when you eat intuitively.”
Katherine, who has worn the same size pants since high school, went on to describe her incredibly privileged method of keeping slim.
“Before I started intuitive eating, I used to be so ashamed of eating ‘fattening’ food,” she explained, ignoring that she has never been shamed for eating anything. “This diet has helped me abandon so many toxic attitudes that society has taught me about eating!”
“I’d recommend intuitive eating to anyone trying to lose weight,” the congenitally thin Katherine added.
Friends of Katherine are becoming frustrated.
“Of course she’s obsessed with intuitive eating, she’s never had to worry about the food she puts in her mouth,” said Kellyanne DuBois. “Most people aren’t born with the metabolism of a hummingbird. She’s not being very thoughtful by suggesting this method to regular people with regular weight issues.”
“I’ve seen Katherine only eat mac and cheese for a whole day without blinking an eye,” added Rosa Demarez. “I don’t think she realizes that most grown women can’t do that with no consequences. She’s speaking from a place of privilege and she doesn’t realize it.”
“I mean, even the phrase ‘intuitive eating’ sounds like it was made up by a skinny white woman,” Rosa added.
But Katherine soldiers on in her blind adherence to the diet.
“I just can’t think of a more healthy approach to weight loss or a better way to honor my body,” said Katherine, whose diet would not result in healthy weight loss for most women and whose body type is honored by society in general. “I’ll never stop intuitive eating!”
“In fact, I think my body is craving a corn dog right now,” she added.