As soon as 25-year-old Lily Greenald heard Charli XCX’s new album ‘Brat’, she knew that she would have to change her entire outlook for the rest of the summer. Unfortunately, as the title of the album suggests, this only led her to become extremely unlikable and to be uninvited from every event she was previously excited to go to.
Bumpin’ that!
Lily took direct cues from ‘Brat’ by snorting coke in the club every night, accusing her friends of being jealous of her, and generally being an all-around ‘Mean girl’.
“I’ve never felt more empowered in my life,” Lily told reporters. “So what if I was kicked out of every group chat I’m in and was formally uninvited from all of my friends’ future hangs. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m a 365 party girl for life!”
Looks like everything is romantic for this Charli stan!
According to sources close to Lily, her friends are saddened by the fact that they’ve had to go no-contact with her, but most are hoping that they can still reunite in the future when the effect of ‘Brat’ has finally worn off.
“She’s a huge Charli fan. I mean, when ‘Crash’ came out, she kept driving through red lights and refusing to check her blind spots,” Lily’s friend Kate told reporters. “But now she’s a great driver again. I give it about a month before she stops being paranoid and doing coke all the time.”
“When Charli released the extended version, I knew it was gonna do a number on Lily,” another friend named Van said. “It was so fun going out with her that weekend, but now I’m just too tired to keep up. A brat girl summer just isn’t for everyone, but maybe we’ll reconnect in the fall.”
As of press time, Lily had been admitted to the hospital for dehydration and heat exhaustion after going to the club for a week straight, which led her to pivot to a Tortured Poets Department Summer instead.
