Aw! This Woman Wants Her Friends’ Lives to be Perfect So She Can Complain the Most

In a sweet tale of community, Julia Gregory has professed her desire that all of her friends’ lives become perfect such that she can be the primary complainer of her social circle.


“I have a lot to complain about,” the Brooklyn-based bartender explains. “But it’s hard, because most of my friends are in a similar boat. We’re underpaid, our careers aren’t where we want them to be, we have student debt, no love lives, mental illness, familial trauma — you name it.”


And while Julia appreciates her network of close relationships, she reports to have grown tired of commiseration.


“What I want more than anything is for my friends to feel fulfilled and for their wildest dreams to come true,” she says. “That way, when I want to talk about a horrible date I went on, they’ll just listen in compassionate shock and horror, but not relate it to their own experiences.”


“Like Mahala for instance is such a talented film critic,” Julia says. “And it would bring me more joy than I can express to see her land a stable gig at a great publication, because that way she would just listen to me complain about how hard trying to promote your work is, and maybe I could complain about that over a lunch that she would pay for because I would be so broke and she would be so successful.”



Wow! It’s so beautiful to see a person full-heartedly wish for her loved ones’ success, even if it is primarily so she can bitch about her life uninterrupted.


“There is no greater happiness than watching your friends thrive,” Julia says. “I mean, none of us are thriving, but the other day Kevin won $50 on a scratch-off and he was so excited that I was able to complain about how bad my depression has been lately without him even wanting to compare symptoms.”


While some might hope primarily for their own happiness, Julia just isn’t that kind of person.


“If my dreams come true and my life is perfect, I guess that would be cool in some ways, but then I’d still have to listen to my friends complain about their shitty lives, and that just sounds awkward,” she explains. “That’s why I would way rather be the one flop friend in a group of absolute slays.


“Aww, I could crash on their couches and they could make me coffee in the morning and feel bad for me,” Julia says, tearing up. “That would be really, really nice.”


We wish your friends luck, Julia!