Wow! The Last Time This Woman Had Energy Was When She Was in Middle School

When 25-year-old Alissa Harris was researching natural ways to boost her own energy, she made the disturbing realization that the last time she had any was when she was in the fall of seventh grade. 


Wow, that’s depressing!


“I’m not sure what happened,” Alissa said. “Maybe it was puberty, maybe it was because I was getting more responsibility, or maybe I just realized how taxing the real world was. Whatever it was, I haven’t been able to run through hallways at full speed and scream when I saw my friends as readily as I once did.”


What a shame!


According to the few people who have known Alissa ever since middle school, they agree that her preteen years were the last time she had any disposable vitality. 


“Alissa used to be the most bubbly and excited person in class,” her old friend Janice Williams said. “But now it seems like she just goes to work, comes home, and makes dinner, if she even has the energy to do that last part.”


“I went to the same middle school, high school, and college as Alissa,” another classmate Steven Noguchi said. “And it seemed like each year, she had a little less energy to give. The last time I talked to her was the day we graduated college, but I’m not sure if she remembers because she was barely awake.”


Both are interesting analyses, and Alissa agrees.


“I somehow had the social, energetic, and physical bandwidth to wake up at 6:30 a.m., attend eight hours of school, have extracurriculars until 6 p.m., and then still have an emotional meltdown later that night about having acne,” Alissa said. “Now, I barely have the strength to wake up in the morning, let alone cry, which is now something I have to force myself to do.”



However, some of her friends think it’s a good thing that she doesn’t have as much energy as she used to.


“I’m honestly glad that she chilled out in adulthood,” her cousin Veronica Harris said. “She was pretty annoying at that age. She might be more boring today, she’s definitely easier to hang out with.”


Guess it’s not all so bad after all!


At press time, Alissa is trying to increase her energy levels by exercising, cutting out carbs, and drinking lots of water, even though nothing will make her as energetic as when she had never had a job before.