Avoid First-Date Disappointment By Rescheduling Until Never

If you’ve been wondering if it’s time to meet the guy you’ve been chatting with online, you probably haven’t realized that the answer is a hard “no.” Even if his text game is as strong as his biceps look in his profile pic, the only way to know if he’s your future husband is to never find out, never, ever! Here are reasons to justify forever rescheduling a meet-up with your would-be soul mate until never, ever, no, no, no. How romantic!


You’ll Always Have Someone To Text

By coming up with a series of excuses involving your job and your health, you can keep your guy around as a sounding board for all your petty problems, witty banter, and fruitless flirting. He’ll know to text you back, because there’s no other way for him to speak to you. If he stops replying, you’ll know for a fact it had nothing to do with you as a person, because he never got to know you at all!


Who Cares What He Looks Like?

Worried he doesn’t look like his picture? You’ll never find out! Instead of trying to figure out what kind of lighting, angles, and filters caused a visual manipulation to make his beer belly look like chiseled abs, fantasize about your mystery man from the comfort of your own home. Now you can’t be disappointed! Whoever said being shallow isn’t productive in the dating world never tried not dating at all!



Pain is Gross!

By rescheduling your first date until never, you can avoid a future of disappointment, potential heartbreak, or even a forced conversation about the weather while you realize you wasted years of you life.You’ll never have to agonize over why you’ll never see him again because you’ll never see him in the first place. Nobody has time to be “too hurt to love again” if you don’t even let yourself get hurt!


You Can Go Ahead And Assume He’s the Man Of Your Dreams

By putting off your first date for the rest of your life, you won’t have to worry about finding your one and only true love. Instead, you can assume you’ve already found him, but a series of dentist appointments, weddings, cramps, and “not wanting to try” prevented you from the love of your wildest dreams. Tragic but very doable!


Now that you’re prepared to procrastinate your first date until the afterlife, you can go forth into the world of romance with all the courage of someone who will never enter that world under any circumstances. You’ve got this!