Not to brag, but as a lifelong recipient of hair-flips to the face, I’ve become a bit of an expert on the wide world of shampoo. Whether it’s the woman who just got the bartender’s attention before me at a bar, the girl in front of me in AP English, or in any other situation in which a fellow woman would like to assert her social dominance over me by whipping her hair into my face, knowingly or otherwise, I can almost always tell what type of shampoo she’s using. Years and countless hair-flips later, here are my favorites:
Herbal Essences Smooth Collection Shampoo (Walgreens, $4.49/13.5 fl. oz.)
I love how this throwback floral scent harks back to the 90s and middle school! It totally brings back memories of the first few times other girls flipped their hair into my face and I first began to wonder what shampoo they were using. Without fail, it was the dominant scent of Herbal Essences.
Head & Shoulders Classic Clean Dandruff Shampoo (Walmart, $7.11/23.7 fl. oz.)
Head & Shoulders’ slogan is, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Women who wash their hair with this shampoo and then flip said hair into my face must really take this expression to heart, because I definitely have a strong first impression of them. It’s usually something along the lines of, “That’s the girl who flipped her hair into my face.” It has a clean scent with a hint of superiority, marred only by the smug knowledge that that homecoming queen hides a flaky little secret. Not that I’d ever tell, though. And she knows I wouldn’t. I’m reliable like that!
Philosophy Vanilla Birthday Cake Ultra Rich 3-in-1 Shampoo, Shower Gel, and Body Wash (Macy’s, $18/16 fl. oz.)
My best-friend-from-growing-up Carly uses this shampoo, and being smacked in the face by her hair is actually a treat, if you think about it, when it smells of this tasty scent. This shampoo always reminds me of the time she announced her engagement at my 25th birthday party, or the time when she decided to “help” me by blowing out the candles on my 8th birthday cake. I’m sure she really was just trying to help, right? Kids will be kids. And great-smelling hair will get flipped in your face from time to time.
Nexxus Youth Renewal Rejuvenating Dry Shampoo (CVS, $19.99/5 oz.)
Dry shampoos are a hit with the sporty set, and with their increasing popularity, it can be difficult to tell them all apart. But I remember this Nexxus variety distinctly, because a pretty, older woman in my dance cardio class whipped her power braid into my face while performing side-to-side shoulder shrugs to the song “Lips Are Movin” by Meghan Trainor. I noticed the pink bottle peeking out of her gym bag as she brushed past me to grab the last clean towel, even though she wasn’t showering, she just used it to steam her pores post-workout. Hm, cool! I can attest to the fact that this dry shampoo absorbs excess oils and helps maintain a healthy shine, even under the sweatiest, most aggressive conditions!
Selsun Blue Medicated Maximum Strength Dandruff Shampoo (Amazon, $10.82/11 fl. oz.)
Yes, I know, another dandruff shampoo. But trust me, Selsun is surprisingly easy to distinguish from Head & Shoulders by its distinctive menthol scent, especially when the hair in question is being dragged across your face at a baby shower. When a fellow woman whips her hair into my face when she definitely knows I’m behind her because she just boxed me out of a conversation when I was mid-sentence, I can always recognize that refreshing minty fragrance! Then I consider loudly congratulating her on managing her severe dandruff and chronic dry scalp in front of everyone, but I usually settle for picking a strand of her hair off my tongue while she tells a story about herself instead. Despite the medical quality, this shampoo has an invigorating scent!
So there you have it! Next time another woman disregards your presence and fans her hair onto your face, be sure to take a moment and enjoy the smell of her shampoo. I know I do!