6 Pieces of Statement Jewelry That Attract Men And Also Maybe Birds?

Understated accessories are so last year. Glam up your outfit with some statement jewelry to attract the boys, and maybe also flocks of birds? We don’t know; just try it out:


1. A Big and Bright Statement Necklace

There is no better way to jazz up an outfit than to add some glamour in the form of a colossal and sparkling mass of fake jewels gathered around your neck. Adding a shiny and sexy necklace is sure to get the attention of both bros and probably some crows. You’ll be so popular amongst the multitudes of men and birds, you’ll make Alfred Hitchcock jealous!


2. Giant Jeweled Earrings

Ears are the new breasts and it is finally time to love your lobes by weighing them down with double-d worthy diamonds! This killer accessory is sure to entice the boys and the birds, and remember: the shinier, the better. It doesn’t take an eagle eye to spot an accessory this fun and flirty, but it very well may attract an eagle. Wow!


3. An Animal-Shaped Costume Brooch

Costume jewelry is back and hotter than ever, and what better way is there to show off your wild side than to put a giant jeweled animal on your chest?! Speaking of animals on your chest, a look this glam will have you looking fly and attracting fowl, as birds are sure to go after your polished pin as if it were a giant-ass beetle. Ooh la la! One at a time, birds!


4. Chunky, Shiny Bangles

Take peacocking to a literal level! There is a good chance that bracelets this ostentatious will probably attract peacocks. That’s right, ladies: Draw his attention to your sexy little wrist with bangin’ bangles that are anything but little. This could be your nest—oops, we mean best—look yet! Ow! Go away, bird!



5. A Long String of Costume Pearls

Classy and stylish, pearls are always a good idea. Such a timeless look will definitely remind men of sophisticated sex symbols like Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelley, and will most likely remind passing birds of seeds and pellets of food. Scrumptious! Not for women with beak-sensitive necks.


6. A Huge Fucking Ring

The bigger the better, right ladies? Especially when it comes to wings—we mean, rings! But beware: This giant piece of hand candy will have the men migrating like a flock of geese, and geese going after your fingers to attack their reflection in your massive, gleaming ring. You may lose an appendage, but you’ll definitely gain some style points. Hashtag worth it!


These looks are so sexy they’ll have men wanting to go south for the winter and birds wanting to stay right where they are to attack you for your jewels. Be safe, girlfriend!