Want to add some cool looks to your wardrobe while also showing a complete lack of desire to produce offspring? It’s easier than you think! Here are seven BAMF looks to show your extended family that they’re just gonna have to make do with the nieces and nephews they already have.
- The Retro Rocker
Wear something you would’ve worn to a Def Leppard concert in 1987 to show people you’re emotionally still stuck in that era and, therefore, not emotionally evolved enough to be a parent. You just wanna rock, not rock-a-bye baby!!! Who says you’re too old to be a merch girl? Get out there!!!
- The Beach Bum
Look like you just decided to go to the beach on a whim—because you can do that! You can do anything you want. The little tykes who depend on you for food and shelter are still half in your ovaries and half in some guy’s scrotum, so who the hell cares?
- The Mesh Tank
You can’t wear this mesh tank and have kids—they would grab at the threads with their tiny dirty hands and ruin it, the way they ruin everything good and fun. So wear it, and show everyone that the only hands tearing your clothes off are your own.
- The Half-Dressed
Wear anything, but only get dressed halfway. Now people will know that you are barely capable of taking care of yourself, let alone other living beings. It’s cute when you do it, but way sad when it’s a kid. That’ll shut ‘em up!
- The Arm Jeans
Be playful! Put jeans on your arms. You don’t have kids to be goofy with, so do it with yourself! Everyone will see this outfit and think, “Wow, there’s no way she spends any time with children. She’s way too unexhausted.”
- The Knife Hands
Walk around holding knives. Only someone without small humans running around could pull off this look successfully! There’s nothing about this look that says, “I am carefully tracking my basal body temperature, just like my doctor told me.”
- The “I Never Wanted Kids” Tee
Pair classic denim jeans with a tee that reads “I Never Wanted Kids.” This way there’s no mistaking it—you never wanted kids! It says so right on the shirt!
Remember ladies, it’s perfectly fine to be a woman who never gives birth, just as long as you’ve got a great eye for fashion!
