Cold-Weather Skirts That Mumble Incoherently About Your Shyness

It’s cold outside, and the only thing more biting than the wind is the stinging you feel in every social interaction due to your crippling shyness. Here are a few skirts to keep your legs warm and babble on and on about your mousy lack of confidence.

Ralph Lauren Collection Women’s Merino Wool Skirt ($1990, Saks Fifth Avenue)


This understated wool skirt quietly whispers at a volume barely audible that you really, really like tea (and other alone-time activities). The hemline is the perfect length for always being in your field of vision as you demurely strain your neck downward to avoid eye contact. The academic-inspired twill also whispers in a low decibel that you were an English major through the University of Phoenix because your social anxiety prevents you from taking college classes in person.



Saia Longa Vintage Style Long Wool Casual Maxi Skirt ($54.29,

This skirt silently mouths, “I like to think of myself as a modern version of a Jane Austen protagonist who’s also functionally incapable of speech.” The color is the perfect brown to match your hair, your eyes, your tortoise shell glasses, leather moleskin, your fingerless gloves, and your hard cover book. Books understand you more than people, mainly because no human being can actually hear whatever it is you’re mumbling about.



Brown Skirt, Gently Worn ($4.29, eBay)

This is the skirt that you found on eBay because you find thrift stores too overwhelming, and you love it because it has a musty smell like an old library. It’s so mysterious and different, just like you and your INFJ self. You’re into MBTI because it helps you understand people, who you have trouble understanding, mainly because you can’t even go grocery shopping without having a panic attack. You buy tea at the grocery store. You really like tea and books. This is a skirt.



Bistro Flowers Tokyo Flared Skirt (¥11,880,

Here is the skirt you should buy when you’re ready to cut loose and have a glass of kombucha while you sit in the corner and stare at strangers. It empowers you to go full on corporate Diane Keaton from Baby Boom and pair it with a blazer even though you really think of yourself as more of a silent version of Diane Keaton from Annie Hall or maybe the rejected version of Diana Keaton from the beginning of the First Wives Club. When you eventually order your scones from Seamless (to go with your tea, isn’t tea great?), you can mutter “thank you” at the ground while your delivery guy hands you your food. Hopefully he can read lips.


So when Jack Frost is nipping at your heels along with the burdens of a language-based society, cloak yourself in these comforting skirts for the faint of mouth.