You’ve finally traded in that little Manhattan closet for a spacious Brooklyn abode. There are trees, church bells – you even tried jerk chicken for the first time! But somehow after two weeks, you’re just not quite feeling like an authentic Brooklyn resident yet. Ditch that turtleneck poncho dress and let’s have look at some t-shirt options that won’t make you look like the gentrifier you definitely are:
“I Woke Up Like This” T-Shirt
Any type of Beyoncé-themed shirt will alert your new neighbors that, like most of Brooklyn and also the nation, you’re down with Beyoncé. Try throwing on any one of these sassy numbers before your next Sunday stroll down Flatbush Ave and you’ll make Mrs. Loretta Kingsley from down the street forget how much you’re raising her property taxes.
Any Notorious B.I.G. T-Shirt
Your new neighborhood is his old neighborhood, so why not pretend like you were around way back then? Nothing bridges a socio-economic gap like hip-hop. This priceless thread could be just the conversation starter you need to go from narc to new-girl-on-the-block swaggin’!
A Fake Vintage Obama “Yes We Can” Shirt
Who supported Obama back in 2004? Probably everyone who lives in your neighborhood, but also you! Despite the ferver of yesteryear, those authentic t-shirts are strangely hard to find these days. Don this vintage-looking shirt, crash a family reunion in Prospect Park and teach the Thompson family that you’re just a harmless new neighbor and not an outside alien oppressive force here to drive out local businesses!
A Tribe Called Quest Shirt from Urban Outfitters
So you’re not familiar with any of their songs – but what a cool alternative to wear while you run down Flatbush, instead of that lame old Lulemon uni-suit! Maybe once you catch up on what Q-Tip has been up to these days, the whole block will start referring to you as “cool white bitch” instead of just “white bitch.”
A Brooklyn Nets Snapback
Okay, so it’s not technically a shirt, but this bike-culture cap is the easiest way to say, “I’ve been around Brooklyn for up to one year!” Maybe even try picking one up at that cool-looking sneaker store off Church Ave that you’ve always wanted to check out. But like, act like you’ve been there before, you know?
An NBA Basketball Jersey
Honestly, any player will do, because being a girl and wearing a basketball jersey is the shit. Maybe pair it with hoops and a French braid, it might just be the confidence you need to finally stop by Ideal Hair and Beauty to get your eyebrows done and try out a weave.
Now remember: tying the look together is all about taking part in the larger forces of gentrification without looking like someone who does. Happy ruining!
