Men are great! They’re cute, they’re strong, and they make sex less solitary. Unfortunately, many men also read comic books, and the only thing they love more than reading comic books is talking about comic books. Take that torturous black hole of time while your boyfriend explains the subtle nuances between incarnations of Green Lantern and use it for something that actually matters: losing weight! The next time you find yourself trapped in a conversation about Iron Man vs. The Flash, you can use the following exercises to burn calories and tone your muscles while he rambles on and on about his precious comics!
Comic book characters often have long, detailed origin stories, so this could take awhile. Much like a marathon, it’s important to keep your legs moving at a steady pace if you want to make it to the finish line. To perform this exercise, simply cross one leg over the other, hold for 30 seconds, and then switch sides. This will not only tone your thighs and calves, but also encourage circulation so that you don’t get blood clots during his lengthy explanation of the batsuit.
The world of superheroes can be confusing, especially when you don’t care about them at all. Repeated brow-furrowing is a great way to tone your facial muscles while appearing as if you’re trying to understand the concept of a multiverse. Simply scrunch your brows together and then release. Do three sets of five reps, or until that crease is permanent.
To execute the “Point-and-Ask,” first raise your forearm with your index finger extended. Now lower it to the page while asking, “Who is that guy?” After a five-count, raise your arm back to the starting position while saying, “What a cool power!” Your boyfriend will be giddy over your sudden interest in X-Men, and you’ll be on your way to Michelle Obama arms.
Honestly, you should really be doing these all the time anyway, so you might as well do them while he details Peter Parker’s origin story.
The Breast Heave
A gentle cool-down is vital to any workout routine. Simply take slow, deep breaths while tightening your abdomen and pushing out your chest. Your heart rate will gradually return to normal, and your boyfriend will be distracted from his comic book as he is reminded that you are a grown woman with boobs. Repeat until his head is gently nestled in your bosom.
And you’re finished! Before long, you will have earned the love and admiration of your man, and the taut, sexy abs of a Brazilian supermodel. Next up: killer toning exercises for when he wants to talk about video games!