America’s biggest holiday is finally here: Super Bowl Sunday! People all across the country will be feasting on snacks, drinking beer, and enjoying the last Sunday of football for the season. In the midst of all this excitement, your man will no doubt forget that you exist. That’s why it’s important to make a dish so tasty or unique that he’ll have no choice but to acknowledge you. Which dishes will bring you the modest attention you dream of on his big day? These five will do just fine!
A Cake With Your Face On It
Nothing will top off a day of football food better than a slice of cake, but if you want to make sure that your man gives you a valuable, muddled “Thank You,” print your face on the icing! Most cake shops are capable of scanning a photo into an edible design, just like your man will scan your cake and briefly think to himself “she’s here.”
3-Layer Dip With Cheese Writing On It
8 oz. package cream cheese
16 oz. can refried beans
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Spread cream cheese along the bottom of your bowl. Cover that with refried beans. To remind your man that you are in the house, top the dip with cheese spelling out his most personal sexual fetish (feet, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, butt stuff, etc). When he looks down to scoop up a bite, he’ll quickly be reminded that he is in a passionate, trusting relationship, at least until Tom Brady has the ball.
Wings With Tear Dipping Sauce
12 whole chicken wings
3 ounces unsalted butter
1 small clove garlic, minced
1/4 cup hot sauce
1 cup tears, yours
Bring a medium saucepan with 1 inch of water to boil. Cook wings on medium heat for 10 minutes. Place wings on a cooling rack in the refrigerator for one hour. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Cook wings on middle rack for 20 minutes. Melt butter and mix with garlic, and hot sauce. Toss wings in bowl of sauce until fully covered. Serve with a side cup of your tears for dipping. The clear, salty dip will make your man say, “Is something wrong?” before immediately complaining about Richard Sherman.
Hot Dogs Cut Violently In Half
2 hot dogs per guest
1 bun per dog
2 Brussels Sprouts per dog
For this symbolic threat of a dish, preparation is rather simple. Cut the hot dogs in half violently and cook them in the microwave on high for 45 seconds. Cut the buns in half. Place dogs inside sliced buns.
Cut stems off of Brussels sprouts. Remove any yellow leaves. Stir in bowl of olive oil, salt, and pepper. Pour them on a sheet pan and roast for 35-40 minutes.
Arrange the hot dogs and Brussels sprouts in the shape of a penis and testicles. Leave enough space between the two halves of the hot dogs to fill with ketchup. Then, point at the dish and say, “That’s your dick.” The resulting display will look like you’ve sliced his penis in half. How can he ignore the safety of his manhood? He can’t! Ah, l’amour!
A Vegetable Spread You Feed Him
Stop by any supermarket the day of the big game and pick up a vegetable spread with carrots, broccoli, celery, a dip, and anything else you’d like. Not only will this healthy option keep your man fit, but you can guarantee you’ll get noticed if you’re the one shoveling it in his face. Position yourself between him and the television as you play airplane with snap peas and ranch into his mouth. The fact that you’ll be taking up 90% of his vision will likely mean that he won’t forget you for the next four hours like he does every other Sunday.
Getting your man to notice you can be difficult, and it can be extra difficult when you’re competing against the Super Bowl, but these dishes should get you a couple minutes of eye contact during halftime or the third quarter. Enjoy the romance coming from a “thanks, babe” or “I thought you were going to your moms today”, because once baseball season starts, it will definitely be gone for good!