Couples that have been together for a long time often look for new ways to spice things up in the bedroom. Breaking out the stripper pole after the little ones go to sleep is a great way to reignite those hot hot sparks. Here are some playful pole dances that will bring him back to the “I’ll try anything once” twenty-something he fell in love with, while also reminding him that you’re now the sacred and virginal matriarch of the family who his innocent children are likely dreaming about right now in the next room.
Dress the Part
Start by wearing something sexy. He’s already seen you in that red lace nightie. So instead, put on that handmade t-shirt your daughter gave you for Mother’s Day, with her painted handprints all over it and that says, “To the best mommy in the hole wide wurld!” If this t-shirt is in the laundry, the shirt you had on earlier when your infant son spit up on you will work just as well.
Work the Pole
Slowly approach the pole while subtly swaying your hips. Then, just before you grab the pole like you really want it, take out a Handi Wipe and wrap it playfully around the pole before sliding your hand up and down, slowly at the first, and then more vigorously while reminding your husband it’s flu season. This is a sure way to get off…all those germs.
Work Your Bod
Next, put your flexibility and acrobatic acumen on display. Grab the pole between your spread legs and perform a spinning straddle. As you rotate on the pole with your head thrown back in ecstasy, let your man know you learned this move from your daughter after her dance class.
Give him Attitude
Next, slide your ass down the pole and go into the splits, giving your man bedroom eyes and a knowing smile, while gently placing your son’s tuna sandwich into a lunchbox. Don’t forget that field trip permission slip. Toss that in his book bag as you slide your ass back up, never taking your eyes off the speechless dad.
Remind him he’s a Mother F’er
For a titillating finale, wrap one leg around the pole while grabbing the pole with both hands above your head and bringing your other leg back to touch the top of your head. When your man asks how you can pull off such a trick, give him a sexy smile and say, “remember how all those pregnancy hormones made me feel crazy and loosened up my joints?” Make sure he know’s you’re a crazy MILF but also a crazy mom.
By the time you reach the bed, sexed up and Purelled, you can be sure your man will never look at pole dancing the same way again.