You’ve just pulled your pants down after a long bathroom line, only to realize the lock on your stall is a half-circle stuffed with toilet paper. Here are five ways the pros take care of business in these fraught conditions.
Knee Against the Door
Learn how to do your thing while keeping balance on one foot: with the other leg, place as much of your weight against the bathroom door as possible. Some ability to aim is lost with this classic move, but if they have a broken lock, 80% in the toilet is all they deserve!
Be the Listener
Go about your business as normal while listening intensely for any incoming stall traffic, ready to grip the door with all your might. Only use this move if you can avoid the tendency to get trigger-happy that has soiled countless pairs of pants. Remember ladies, a busboy clearing plates nearby sounds different than a woman trying to bust in on your stream.
Bag on Bathroom Floor
This maneuver is unsanitary and gross, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Stick your bag out a little past the door in case no one has the forethought to duck her head under the stall and check for feet. Again, keep in mind this is pretty gross! Use only in a number-two situation.
Yell “Someone’s In Here!” on Repeat
It can be hard to hear a knock, especially in a full-door bathroom. Preempt that challenge by just classic screaming your head off. We guarantee that no one will try to come in the bathroom or approach you at the bar afterwards either!
Rely on Luck
This move is high-risk, high-reward. Just give up and let the powers that be decide if some stranger deserves to see your junk today. The best part of this move is that either outcome leads to an adrenaline rush! Win/win.
If someone does happen to walk in, the most important thing is to make sure you give them the most searing look of judgment you can muster. Who’s the embarrassed one now?!
