Men want a girl who can hang with the guys! Whether it’s hiking, climbing, camping, fishing, mudding, or whatever else they do, men are obsessed with women who aren’t afraid of getting a little dirt in their vagina. So how do you prove to your next romantic endeavor that you’re just as outdoorsy as he is? The answer is as simple as one, two, three poisonous leaves! Contract one of these five skin rashes, and he’ll be knocking on your tent in no time.
Heat Rash
Commonly referred to as prickly heat, heat rash comes in the form of small zit-like bumps across the body as a result of sweating too much under the heat of the sun. The rough, bumpy texture of your skin under his manly hands will convince him once and for all that you enjoy outdoorsy things just as much as people with dicks. You go, girl! You know what outside is like!
Swimmer’s Itch
Individuals with swimmer’s itch are known to contract the rash by coming into contact with parasites found in open water. What better way to prove that you enjoy bathing naked in the river by showing him your ruddy, ravaged limbs? He’ll take one look at you and think, “Woah! She was outside! Score!”
Poison Ivy
When reciting the anecdote of how you got poison ivy, make sure to avoid such phrases as, “I tripped into a bush,” or, “Got lost on my way to the mall.” Men LOVE wrestling with their guy friends in poison ivy bushes, so try incorporating words like “dragged” or “ripped” somewhere within the story.
Bull’s-eye Rash
Ooooh, now this is a good one! While the red bump that results from the tick bite can actually be quite small, the rash that one in three people develop later on is sure to get a big reaction! The fact alone you have Lyme disease will be a big indicator of your outdoorsy attitude! It’s absolutely crucial you bring this up within the first five sentences of meeting him!
Tons of Bee Stings
Last but not least is bee stings—not for the faint of heart! This only works if you get stung in at least 32 different places, though. The more bee stings you have, the more believable it will be that you were really outside!
There you have it: the five essential skin rashes to prove to him you’re outdoorsy. Which one is your favorite? Let us know in the comments!
