Kegels are a great way to tighten your pelvic floor muscles, but is it ever enough? If you’ve found yourself frustrated about your vagina not being powerful enough to absorb everything that enters its force field, then here are four kegel exercises that’ll make your vagina so strong it sucks your whole body inside itself like a black hole – just like you’ve always wanted!
Basic kegels
You can do a beginner level kegel by tightening your pelvic floor muscles, holding them tight for 3 to 5 seconds, relaxing the muscles, and repeating this for 10 reps. And if you keep at it your pussy will eventually be strong enough to suck anything in its path into itself, including your entire body! Not even light will be able to escape. Slay!
Long contractions
If short spurts of tightening your pelvic muscles aren’t enough, then try out longer contractions instead! Just don’t be surprised when your vagina muscles get so strong that they can deform spacetime. Trust us, you’ll love your new infinitely destructive hooha after you try this one out, and good thing too because you’ll be inside of it!
Add weights
To increase the strength of your kegels even more, try adding weights (either standing or sitting down) that will undoubtedly make your coochie strong enough to suck in anything you want, or don’t want! Soon, your vagina will be able to pull in your body, house, city, and maybe even the entire planet! Hot!
Try out a yoni egg
Yoni eggs can be found in jade, rose quartz, amethyst, and many other stones, and all of these can be used to make your vaginal muscles even tighter, which is great if you want to create a massive tear in the space time continuum right in between your thighs! You’ll be getting shrooped up into that hole as fast and violently as a coffee bean into a vacuum cleaner. Yas! Keep that thang tight, girl!
So if you’re eager to try some new variations of kegels that will ensure you’ll create an astronomical phenomenon, then try any or all of these exercises to make your vagina strong enough to suck in your entire body – here’s to nonexistence!
